Science Show

Transcript

Laura Molino: Today I'm talking with Professor Cashews from the psychology department at Latrobe University in Melbourne. Professor, yesterday you gave a paper at the International Symposium on Psychology and today you have a broken arm. What happened? Are psychology conferences usually this dangerous?

Professor Cashews: No, usually it's very pleasant. We meet our peers and talk about psychology and who's sleeping with who.

Laura Molino: But this time all hell broke lose. Several participants were injured, the police arrived and they were pelted with fruit. In the end the riot squad had to be called in.

Professor Cashews: Nobody died.

Laura Molino: Well, that's something, I suppose!

Professor Cashews: It was mainly ritualistic displays of violence that got out of hand.

Laura Molino: But how did it all start?

Professor Cashews: I was on the podium at the lectern giving my paper. It was only a small auditorium, not nearly enough room for all those primates. It started in the front row. I told the organisers, 'You can't put the orang-utans all together like that, side by side. They're solitary animals, they need their own space.'

Laura Molino: Orang-utans?

Professor Cashews: My colleagues from the psychology department at Sydney University. Every single one an orang-utan personality type. Orang-utans are antisocial animals, in close proximity they get very anxious. Anyway, some well-meaning bonobos from Griffith University noticed this and tried to have sex with them. That's how bonobos deal with tension. Generally it works but not this time. Now everybody was on edge. Then one of the chimps decides to steal someone else's banana. There was screaming and screeching, furniture was thrown around, light fittings were ripped out. I was lucky to escape with just a broken arm.

Laura Molino: Where did the chimps come from?

Professor Cashews: We always invite researchers from other countries to the conference, that's how we keep abreast of new developments. The chimps were from Caltech in the states, a very competitive bunch.

Laura Molino: So you're telling me that your talk had nothing to do with the riot?

Professor Cashews: Yes, that's right, it could happen to anyone.

Laura Molino: That's not what people are saying. People are saying that your thesis provoked the violence, that your ideas are ridiculous and irresponsible.

Professor Cashews: Well, they've got it all wrong. I'm not interested in making trouble, I only went to the conference for the free food.

Laura Molino: So what is your thesis, in a nutshell?

Professor Cashews: Whether we like it or not, our hairy jungle cousins have shaped our modern human behaviour. Even though we are technologically very sophisticated...I mean, we can personalise our ring tones now...but our social behaviour is no different from these animals. In fact people are nothing more than genetically modified primates. The two dominant personality types that you meet in everyday life are the chimp and the bonobo. The chimp is power-hungry and aggressive, the bonobo is hyper sexual and fun-loving.

Laura Molino: What, everybody? Really everybody? Just two types?

Professor Cashews: If you could just let me finish. Less common but still statistically significant are baboons, orang-utans and gorillas. You, for example, are clearly a baboon.

Laura Molino: No I'm not! I'm a white-cheeked gibbon.

Professor Cashews: No you're not, you're way too ugly.

Laura Molino: Do you want a broken leg to go with that arm?

Professor Cashews: Just let me say, you can take the man out of the jungle but you can't take the jungle out of the man.

Laura Molino: Hey, come back here! Bloody monkeys.

Guests

Laura Molino
Ashfield Sydney

Presenter

Robyn Williams

Producer

David Fisher

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